I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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