I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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