Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize