So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
