so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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