Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
