Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
