i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
