i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
