I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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