i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just blew my weed a kiss
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize