i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
