so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
