dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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