Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
