so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
