Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
