literally had 100 drinks last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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