the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
