Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
