she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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