Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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