she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
