TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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