i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
