he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
