some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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