I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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