Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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