my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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