Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
