There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize