I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
