Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
