Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
