Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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