you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
