yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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