I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
