Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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