its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize