Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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