I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize