Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
