dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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