their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
