if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
