theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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