i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
