I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
