I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize