Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
