your parents love me but you hate me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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