you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
