he thought i was a dude.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
