Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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