A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize