i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize