he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
