laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
